


Lashing Out and Latching On

by IBrokeThe4thWall



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Family Drama, Gen, Go check out tallgirl14 on Tumblr, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Fanart, Turtle Tots (TMNT)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2019-09-05 07:53:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16806517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IBrokeThe4thWall/pseuds/IBrokeThe4thWall
Summary: When Donnie is upset, he lashes out at anyone and everyone within sight. These are not your run of the mill temper tantrums, and his brothers are usually the cause and targets of these bouts of passion. However, he goes too far this time around and tears a rift between himself and his brothers. Donnie knows he has to make things right. But when you have a hard time relating to your family, how do you make up for your mistakes?





	1. The Fight

Donatello was in his lab, tinkering contentedly on a new invention that was going to make life in the sewers just a little bit easier for him. He had complete focus on his task and was nearly done with the internal wiring. The little soft-shell would have finished the wiring, too, had he not suddenly felt like someone was watching him. Given that his dad was unlikely to abandon the television to get him until mealtime, Donnie could only assume it was one of his brothers coming in to pester him to take a break. But he couldn’t just stop now! He was so close to finishing this machine, and his family would be a little more comfortable as a result. Try as Donnie might to stay focused on handling his machine, his concentration slowly began to slip away towards whomever was behind him.

“What do you want,” Donnie groaned, looking over his shoulder to see, “Leo?”

The red-eared slider grinned when his brother finally acknowledged him and said, “I wanna see what my twin is up to! Whatcha working on?”

“We’re not twins, and this is something that takes a lot of concentration,” Donnie said, trying to ignore Leo’s presence and return his focus on his invention. “Go away.”

It didn’t work, and Leo naturally didn’t listen to the order. Instead, he came further into the lab and started browsing through all of projects and machines on the floor and shelves. Donnie clenched his fingers around the tools in his hands, his eyes started to pull every few seconds towards Leo’s wandering form, and his skin and shell began to itch underneath the surface where he couldn’t scratch.

_Why won’t you just go away? I can’t focus as much with you here._

“Hey,” Leo crowed, pointing at something on the desk Donnie was working on. “What’s that thing?”

Donnie looked up as Leo started crowding around his workspace, hovering over the domed metal beside his current project.

“It’s a prototype shield for my shell that I’m working on so I can have something stronger than a backpack for protection,” Donnie grumbled. “Please. Go. Away.”

“Whoa, cool!” Leo admired the work in progress, completely ignoring Donnie’s order. He even climbed on top of the desk to get a better look at it. “Do you need any help with it?”

“No,” Donnie said shortly. “Get out.”

“What’s going on?” Mikey asked as he peeked in from the doorway.

“I’m playing ‘Lab Assistant’ with Donnie,” Leo announced. “Wanna join in?”

“Yay!” Mikey cheered as his little legs carried him to the other two turtles. “Donnie wants to play with us!”

_No, no, no, no, no! Leo was bad enough, but now Mikey’s here?! Leave me alone!_

The itching was getting worse, almost a burn now. Donnie couldn’t focus on anything more than holding onto his project thanks to his brothers’ mere presences interfering with his work. Why did they always do this? Why couldn’t they leave him alone when he was inventing things?

“What can I do to help?” Mikey asked.

“You can both get—” Donnie tried to order them to leave again, but Leo cut him off.

“You can help me get a better look at Donnie’s project here,” Leo said, pulling Mikey up onto the desk.

_Leave already!_

Wait, maybe Donnie could ignore his brothers to the point that he wouldn’t be able to notice them. Maybe that would make the unbearable itching go away. Taking a breath, the soft-shell redoubled his efforts to focus on the completion of the invention in his hands. He pretended that he couldn’t see Leo and Mikey out of the corner of his eye, lifting his prototype shielding onto its edge, as he soldered wiring into place. He pretended he didn’t see them struggle with the unexpected heftiness of the metal dome when he got up to put away his welding tools. He could not pretend that he failed to hear their shouts after loud _clanging_ and _shattering_ rang through the lab while his back was turned.

Donnie took a small moment before he slowly turned around. Leo had leapt off of the desk and was yanking Mikey after him, but Don didn’t see that. All he could see was his prototype shield wobbling over the _shards_ of what remained of his newest invention. He went numb. It had taken him months to get all of the parts for it, weeks to gather enough gas to light his welding tools, days of laboring over it in his lab; and in seconds, it was gone. The burn became a blazing fire!

“Donnie,” Leo tried to get his attention, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Donnie, I’m sor—”

Donnie slammed his fist into Leo’s face, knocking the blue-clad turtle onto his shell. Don was quick to hold Leo down with one hand to land more blows, but Leo was also smart enough to try pushing Don back with a foot planted on the purple-masked turtle’s plastron. Leo winced as another hit landed on his cheek, but it did nothing to dampen Donatello’s anger. Donnie had been focused, Donnie had told him to leave! But instead of listening to him, this blue _pain_ and the orange _baby_ came in and ruined _everything_!

“Raph!” Mikey wailed over Donatello’s snarling.

Don kept swinging until the hulking eight-year-old known as Raphael yanked him to his feet. Raph pressed Donnie’s shell into his side with a one-armed embrace, most likely to calm Donatello down. But Donnie didn’t want to be calm. He didn’t want to be held back! He didn’t want all these people in his lab! He glared down at Leo as he pushed himself into a sit, gripping Raphael’s arm tightly with his own.

_He broke it!_

“Brothers don’t treat each other like this,” Raph said. He gave both Leo and Donnie a disappointed frown.

 _He’s right,_ Donnie realized. _Brothers don’t act this way._

Working with his anger and new logic, Donnie snarled, “That’s the thing, we _aren’t_ brothers.”

Don loosened his grip in the shocked silence that followed his declaration. It was true. They were all as different as four mutant turtles could be. Raphael glanced down at him with surprise, Leo looked up with worry, but Mikey stared on in confusion. Donnie was so mad at everything and everyone that he refused to look at anything or anyone. Just as quickly as the silence rolled in, though, it was broken.

“Donnie!” Raph chastised sharply.

“It’s the truth,” Donnie groaned to the ceiling. “None of us are related!”

“We aren’t brothers?” Mikey asked slowly, softly, in a tone begging for Donnie to be telling a lie.

Instead of bringing the soft-shell down from his upset, all the question did was feed Donatello’s anger. _Are you stupid or something?!_

“You never thought it was weird that none of us look alike?!” Don asked incredulously before sweeping an arm out towards the youngest turtle. “You’re the only one who can fit in his shell. If we were related, we all could!” _Or none of us could._

He didn’t care about the way Mikey seemed to shrink without going into his shell; he didn’t hear Raph saying “Donnie, stop” halfway through his rant. All Donnie could see was his invention broken by Leo’s carelessness, all he could hear were his frustrated and angry thoughts, and all he could feel was the need to make them leave him alone!

“Raph is only one year older than me and Leo,” Don continued, “and he’s twice as big!”

“That’s enough!” Raphael thundered.

Donatello ducked more out of surprise than fear of the shout. Glancing up, he could see the anger simmering in Raph’s eyes. _But it’s not enough! They’re still here!_

“I didn’t ask for you to be here,” Don edged on. “I didn’t ask for you to boss me around, or to bother me when I’m working, or to be general pains in my shell!” He saw the other three flinch. Good. Time to put the final nail in the coffin. “I never asked for you to be my brothers! Now _get_ _out of my lab_!”

A silence as thick as New York’s smog filled the room. It was so heavy that even the quiet whirrs of old computer fans sounded like gale-force winds and the gently vibrating equipment rumbled like an earthquake. However, Donatello didn’t feel even a hint of satisfaction from his statement. He regretted it almost immediately, in fact. The flaming rage inside of Donnie dampened down to embers when he heard a small sniffle from the youngest turtle in the room.

“I’m sorry,” Mikey whimpered. His shoulders were bunched up, and he was looking at the ground while grabbing his elbow. Arms suddenly dropping, he looked up at Don with eyes overflowing and choked out, “I didn’t mean to—” Mikey broke off with a sob and ran out of the lab wailing.

Donnie’s heart sank further when he saw how glassy Leo’s eyes were. Leo hadn’t said anything after Raph broke up their fight. Now, he finally stood to he feet and quietly left the lab just as Donnie had told him to so many times before. Only Raphael remained. The arm that had been so confining a moment ago was suddenly gone, and Donatello fell to his knees. He whipped his head towards Raph just in time to see the red-loving turtle stomping out of his lab.

“Raph—”

“Why would you say any of that?!” Raph cut him off sharply. “Do you really think—?!” He took a deep breath, and said, “You better find a way to fix this with Leo and Mikey, or you really won’t have any brothers in the end.”

Donnie heard the anger and hurt in Raph’s voice and saw the tears making their way over the fabric of the red mask. The fire that had been put out by Mikey’s tears reignited with a vengeance, directed this time at Donatello himself. A few bitter tears slid down his cheeks when Raphael left his sight. He returned to his desk and flipped the shield off of his ruined project to better assess the damage. Four foot-long fragments of the technological bō staff prototype he’d been building remained intact while many metal shards lay scattered between the pieces. His heart hit the pit of his stomach.

_How am I going to fix any of this?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by these two works by tallgirl14 on Tumblr: 
> 
> http://tallgirl14.tumblr.com/post/179841045995/i-feel-like-when-donnie-gets-really-upset-he-just 
> 
> http://tallgirl14.tumblr.com/post/179878584590/tell-me-what-you-think-lead-up-to-this
> 
> Go check out more of her fanart on her blog!


	2. Avoidance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie handles his issues the same way a lot of seven-year-olds would.

_“I didn’t ask for you to be here.”_

The day after Donatello yelled at his brothers, he realized just how badly he had messed up. He hadn’t left his lab until he was certain that Raph, Leo, and Mikey were asleep, then he sneaked to his bedroom in what silence a New York sewer had at night. When he left his room after a night of weighty regret and no sleep, Donnie couldn’t hear a single noise beyond the constant hum of their father’s television. His home was quiet. His home should _never_ be quiet. Mikey should be rustling paper and shouting excitedly while showing off his drawings, and Leo and Raph should be arguing over what to eat for breakfast. The soft-shell sneaked down to the kitchen as quietly as he could. Even though he didn’t feel overly hungry, he had to see where his brothers were and why they were being so silent.

Donnie just couldn’t bear to face them so soon after what he had said, so he stuck to the shadows as best he could and peeked into the room. Raphael, Leonardo, and Michelangelo were all sitting around the island. None of them were speaking or looking at each other. They poked at the food Splinter had scrounged up for them and only occasionally took a bite of it. Maybe . . . maybe now was the time Donnie should apologize. All of his brothers were here, and he had been thinking about how he was going to talk to them all night long since he couldn’t sleep. Just as the purple-loving turtle stepped in, however, Raph looked up from his plate and glared at him. He jumped out of his seat and stomped out the other door. Leo glanced towards Donnie and immediately looked away. He slid from his seat and slinked out of the kitchen, going who knows where. Mikey looked confused at first by the others’ absence before noticing the soft-shell himself. He yelped and ran from his chair. Donnie barely withheld the urge to flinch when he heard a door slam shut, more than likely the one to Mikey’s bedroom.

Donnie felt his heart suddenly constrict with pain from his brothers’ flight. He had been so worried about trying to avoid Raphael, Leonardo, and Michelangelo that he never considered that they would be the ones avoiding him. Subconsciously, he knew he deserved it after the way he acted yesterday. He didn’t blame them for being mad at him, but why were they treating each other differently? Raph, Leo, and Mikey were tiptoeing around each other for no good reason! Donnie was the one who closed himself off from them. Why were they treating each other like strangers? Donnie slowly concluded that it was his fault. He had torn a giant rift between all of his brothers and himself, and he didn’t know how to fix it!

_“I didn’t ask for you to boss me around, or to bother me when I’m working, or to be general pains in my shell!”_

His home used to be loud and full of activity. Too loud, he used to think. Now, there was nothing but silence. Donatello didn’t return to his lab after the breakfast incident. It only reminded him of _why_ his home was so quiet. He couldn’t hide out in his bedroom either since it was so close to his brothers’ rooms. Too close. It was too quiet now, and Donnie never thought that he would come to hate stillness so much. The silence was stifling, and the cold-shoulders that he feared were soul-biting. Ever since that first day, Donatello had been dodging his brothers. He couldn’t take going through the same reaction without something inside of him irreparably breaking.

_But it’s no less than I deserve._

Donnie knew that he had to make up for his mistake. Apologize. But what could a mere apology do after what he said? He hadn’t _disowned_ his family as much as he declared that they never _were_ one to begin with! In his opinion, there weren’t enough words in the world, or in his extensive vocabulary, to take away the damage he caused. There was only one reasonable solution for him at this point: hide somewhere his brothers wouldn’t find him and never come out. And there was only one place Donnie knew that his brothers would never go unless it was a life-or-death emergency. They usually went to his lab first for life-or-death emergencies anyway, regardless of if he was there or not . . . but that was before. Who knows where they would go now?

Stocking up on snacks, Donatello ducked into the TV room to wait out the silence with Splinter and his obnoxious game shows. His dad didn’t even question why Donnie had suddenly joined him for hours on end; he just put on one of the soft-shell’s favorite movies or shows every few hours. Raph, Leo, and Mikey were normally too rowdy to allow their father to fully enjoy his programs, but Donnie was quiet and still. The perfect movie buddy for long marathons of Lou Jitsu and Jupiter Jim. It wasn’t fun in the slightest this time though, not when Donnie was just there to avoid his problems. Not when Splinter would glance at him occasionally when something boring was happening. It got even worse when Splinter would try to get him to take a break for meals. Just the thought of his brothers running away from him again made his stomach heavy and shriveled up his appetite. He blamed it on the snacks he would restock on as soon as the others were asleep.

Speaking of sleep, Donnie almost only slept in the TV room after Splinter went into a milk-and-cake coma. Splinter had told him to go to his room at night the morning he found the soft-shell asleep in the same spot he was in the day before. Donnie had claimed that the beanbag chairs and cushions were much more comfortable to sleep in than his bed, but Splinter was not completely convinced. The aging rat would tell the soft-shell to sleep in his recliner if he was so adamant about staying in the TV room. Only once he was sure that his son was asleep on the warmed chair cushions would the rat mutant go to bed himself.

After days of this routine, Donnie felt like he was drowning in loneliness and his heart crushed by guilt. The Lair was still too quiet. The television seemed to boom like thunder. Raph was out scavenging for more food for the family by himself. Splinter had told the soft-shell. Leo was wandering further into the sewers and staying out longer. Splinter had given him the update with some disapproval in his tone. Mikey had sequestered himself away in his room, doing who knows what and refusing to leave for anything but meals and the restroom. Splinter, concerned, had informed Donatello. Splinter had been the one to tell him about what was going on with his brothers. Without fail, on every rare occasion that he left the recliner for food and a proper sleep, Donnie’s dad would come back with news about how the other three were doing. Donnie never listened without his guilt and loneliness intensifying.

_“I never asked for you to be my brothers!”_

What would an apology at this point do? The end result of the fight had been festering for so long that now he was afraid to ask for forgiveness. Donatello was terrified that if he tried to talk to Raph, or Leo, or Mikey, that they would turn their backs on him for the rest of their lives. He would be alone until he died! Donnie whimpered at the thought.

“Alright, it’s been long enough,” Splinter grunted. “What did you do Purple?”

Donnie blinked. His father was speaking to him while a show was actually on, not during a commercial break or the credits like he normally would. Even with all of his guilt, the soft-shell still tried to play innocent.

“What do you mean, Dad?”

Splinter squinted at him from the corner of his eye. Donnie’s “innocent act” was a complete failure.

“You know what I mean,” Splinter insisted gruffly. “You and your brothers have been acting weird all week . . . and I'm guessing it's your fault.”

Donnie jumped to his feet and asked, “How do you—”

“Why else would you be here hanging with me?” Splinter cut him off with a smirk. Going back to a serious expression, he asked, “So, what happened?”

“I, I, I,” Donnie floundered, grasping for a response that wouldn’t let on to what happened, that didn’t place blame on him even though he deserved it.

Suddenly, images of Mikey’s heartbroken tears, Leo’s forlorn stare, and Raph’s enraged face flashed before his eyes. The intense waves of loneliness and guilt building over a week’s time finally hit the peak of their crescendo.

Tears streamed down his cheeks as Donnie wailed, “I was in my lab working on that tech bō prototype it took forever to get the parts for! Leo came in, then Mikey came in, I couldn’t focus on anything! I didn’t want them in my lab! I wanted them to leave! I told them to leave! They didn’t! They broke it! I hit Leo, then Raph came, and there were too many people in my space, _my space_ , and I wanted them out! I yelled at them, said things I wish I didn’t, made them want to leave me alone, drove them away! It’s my fault! It’s all my fault, and I don’t know how to fix it, Dad! I told them we weren’t brothers, and I wish I had kept my mouth shut! They hate me as much as they think I hate them! They all left before I could try to apologize!” Donnie squeezed his eyes shut and choked out, “I’m so scared.”

Splinter hefted his wailing son into his lap with his tail, leaving it wrapped around Donnie’s waist as a hopefully comforting weight. Donnie leaned heavily against his father and sobbed away a fraction of his pain.

_“You better find a way to fix this . . . or you really won’t have any brothers.”_

“Alright, Purple,” Splinter sighed while rubbing his son’s soft shell. “let me see if I understand what you’re saying. You were stressed out from too much going on around you at once, a falling out with your brothers resulted that involved your sibling bonds, and you’ve all been avoiding each other because of it. You’ve been spending your time with me to avoid any confrontation with Red, Blue, and Orange. You are worried that they will reject you even if you apologize. Am I correct?” Donnie nodded. “But you also realize that you need to reconcile with them in order for your bond as brothers to be repaired?” Another nod. “Then stop hiding from your problems! Nothing is going to get better if you and your brothers keep stalling out of fear. You must go to Red, Blue, and Orange and apologize to them as soon as possible. A week has already passed since this all began. If you wait any longer, the damage may be irreparable.”

Donnie had known that hiding wasn’t going to change anything. He knew that his brothers wouldn’t just spontaneously forgive him after the way he acted. That still didn’t make working up the nerve to talk to them appealing to him. Why would they talk to someone who supposedly hates them? What would he even say?

“I know, Dad,” Donnie mumbled. “It’s just really hard to face them after what I said.”

“But you will,” Splinter stated. “I’ll let you stay in here until this program has ended. Once it’s over, you will go find your brothers and make amends. Am I understood?”

“Yes, Dad,” Donnie, so very reluctantly, agreed.

“Good, and take a shower, too,” Splinter said, teasingly tilting his nose away from the turtle in his lap. “I know you haven’t bathed since you started hiding out with me.”

Donnie gave a small smile and slipped out of his father’s lap back to the floor. He watched the rest of the Lou Jitsu movie with growing apprehension. With every passing scene, Donatello came closer to his inevitable fate. He had to find his brothers and make things right with them. He missed them, but that didn’t make actually connecting with them any easier. What would Raph, Leo, or Mikey do when he tried to show them how sorry he was for tearing their brotherhood apart at the seams? Would they even want to be his brothers anymore?

_Please, don’t let me be too late!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go check out tallgirl14 on tumblr.


	3. Leo in the Tunnels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie begins his task of apologizing to his brothers. First on his list is Leo.

True to his word, Splinter had kicked Donatello out of the TV room the moment the credits finished rolling. Fear churned in the soft-shell’s belly as he glanced around his home, quiet as ever during the past week, looking for any sign of Raphael, Leonardo, or Michelangelo. His dad hadn’t told him where any of them actually were at the moment, probably with the intent of making Donnie actively seek out his brothers in order to apologize to them, and it was the middle of the day. Who _knew_ where he would be able to find them?

Wait. Splinter _had_ told him where his brothers were. He’d been trying to encourage his son to apologize without it feeling like a chore or punishment the _entire week_ Donnie was by his side. Raph was always searching for more food for them during the night. Leo was wandering around in the tunnels every chance he had. Mikey was holed up in his room. The three other turtles had made up a new routine to make sure that they didn’t run into Donnie or each other. It was upsetting to know that he was the cause of this family-wide evasion tactic, but now the purple-clad turtle could try to make things right again. Mikey was the closest one to find, so he may as well—

A flash of green and blue flitted away in the corner of Donnie’s eye. It disappeared in the tunnel leading to the rest of the New York sewer system. _Leo_. Donnie immediately gave chase to his barely-younger brother. It’d been a week. A week of silence, and tension, and avoidance, and fear, and worry, and _stop running away Leo!_

Leo was running as fast as his legs could carry him, and his footfalls were almost as silent as their home. The red-eared slider had taken his week of exploring the tunnels to find new twists and turns that Donatello could not recognize and used them to his advantage. Donnie had nearly lost him a number of times during the chase. The only thing that kept Leo from ditching the other turtle entirely was the volume of his breathing. Donnie felt crushed at the gasping, panting exertion Leo was pushing through just to avoid him. The soft-shell was tempted to stop running after his brother, to let him have his peace in the dark sewers he knew so much better now, and . . .

It was quiet again. No nearly inaudible slapping of feet on the concrete. No more gasping for breath from running so fast. Did Leo outrun him? A chill spread throughout Donatello when he realized that he didn’t recognize where he was. Twisting his head around and spinning where he stood did absolutely nothing to reorient himself. He had been so focused on following his brother that he didn’t pay attention to the directions they ran in. The soft-shell was lost. Donnie wouldn’t be able to retrace his steps and get home. He wouldn’t find Leo and apologize. _Would it even matter if he did?_ He felt his breath catch in his chest and refuse to leave.

Before Donnie could sink too far into his fears, he heard something. Movement. The familiar _thunk_ of the rim of a shell dropping to the ground gracelessly. Leo was nearby! There! A massive sigh, from relief or exhaustion Donnie couldn’t tell, reached his tympanic membranes, and the purple-clad turtle chased it. Donnie knew that he messed up, and he was terrified that he would never be able to fix his bond with his brothers, but he had to find Leo. He had to tell the blue-loving slider that he hadn’t meant to drive him away as a sibling. He had to get his brother back. Running past two more tunnels and taking a right at the bend brought Donatello to Leonardo’s side.

Leo was sitting on the ground, arms crossed and hugging his knees to his plastron. He was staring down at the sewer water flowing in front of him. His breathing had eased somewhat, but there was still a noticeable hitch every now and again. There was no way he didn’t notice Donatello tentatively walking up to him. The soft-shell was out of breath and panting from the dash through the sewers and the fear of being too late. But he wasn’t too late! He could apologize and make things good again.

Only when Donnie sat down next to Leo, the blue-clad turtle stared despondently in the other direction. The soft-shell already felt guilty and scared. Now he could add awkward and lost to his current jumbled emotions because his brother wouldn’t even look at him. The feelings intensified the longer the red-eared slider refused to acknowledge the other turtle. Although, if Donnie was completely honest with himself, he would have felt worse if Leo _did_ give him his attention. Why was this so hard? Donnie took a deep breath and sheepishly rubbed at the back of his neck. How did he even start to apologize? He was terrible at admitting his own mistakes!

“Leo?” Donnie broke the silence first but trailed off when the other turtle’s head lowered further. _I can do this. I can do this!_ “I want to apologize for punching you in the face.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Leo mumbled, hugging his knees closer to his chest. “I deserved it.”

Donnie wanted to say something, _anything_ , to convince Leo that he _didn’t_ deserve his stupid barely-older brother’s wrath. Leo shouldn’t be feeling like he was the bad guy. It was all Donnie’s fault. However, the soft-shell didn’t say a single thing because Leo had _finally_ looked up at him, and Donnie saw the guilty expression that mirrored his own. _I can’t do this!_

Leo kept talking.

“I _knew_ you wanted to be left alone while you worked,” he admitted, “but I wanted to hang with you.” Leo uncurled just enough to glower at his folded arms and say, “But it ended with me harassing you and tricking Mikey to play along.”

Donnie glanced at his brother with concern, trying to figure out what to do next. He was horrible at comforting his family, and they knew it. Beyond giving pats on the shell or rubbing the top of a head, he had a hard time soothing anyone’s upset, especially when he was the cause of it. That was why active apologies that went beyond a simple “I’m sorry” were like ripping out teeth for the soft-shell.

“I tried to fix your machine with duct tape,” Leo mumble while curling up into a tighter ball. “. . . It didn’t work.”

“You’re not totally to blame,” Donnie said, flicking his gaze to the ground. Leo shouldn’t be blaming himself at all, but his feelings of shared guilt made talking to him easier. “I should have told you guys that being so close to me as I worked was overstimulating for me . . .” Donnie swallowed his nerve as he pulled at that tooth. “I’m sorry.”

Those two words hurt him to say much more than he had initially feared. They were wholly inadequate after the week his family had been through. It didn’t feel like nearly enough. Not after what he did, not after what he said, not after Leo had attempted to make up for his brother’s mistakes! A single apology after all of that simply wouldn’t do. Donatello needed to yank out more of his soul to show Leo how sorry he really was. Donnie snatched the proverbial pliers and wrenched as hard as he could.

“And I’m sorry for what I said…,” Donnie quickly added, turning his head to fully face his brother. “Even if it was true… I said it out of anger…” He took a deep breath and tried to fill his next statement with as much sincerity as he could. “I’m glad I have you guys for brothers.”

Leo whipped his head around to look at Donnie with surprise and asked, “So we’re still brothers?”

What could Donnie possibly say to prove it to Leo that he wanted them to be family? Brothers? He thought back to the meltdown in his lab and the events that led up to it. In an instant, Donnie knew what he had to say to repair his sibling bond with Leo.

Donnie raised one hand, as though he was about to state an obvious fact, and said, “It’s kinda hard to be a twin by yourself.”

Leo straightened up and smiled at Donatello. After a full week of silence and self-inflicted isolation, Donnie finally got a full view of one of his brothers’ faces. The smile was smaller than his usual grins and smirks, and his eyes still held some hurt. Donnie figured it would be difficult to give a smile of pure happiness when there was still some lingering pain; his struggle with his own tiny grin was a testament to that. However, they were both heartfelt, and after going a week with nothing, the soft-shell would take anything he could get.

Suddenly, it hurt too much for even a small expression of happiness, and both turtles’ faces crumpled. Tears streamed down both of their cheeks, and pent-up emotions were finally allowed free. They shot towards each other at the same time, gripping one another in an almost crushing embrace. They wanted to chase away the pain of words and silence and loneliness, to reassure each other that they were forgiven. As much as Donnie usually avoided these kinds of hugs, he knew that neither one of them was letting go any time soon. They were brothers to the end, twins by both silent and verbal agreement even when blatantly denied. However, the soft-shell still had a lot to make up for and felt it keenly.

“Leo,” Donnie choked out, “I messed up so badly.”

“I know,” Leo said thickly, “but you’ve got your twin to help you. You know that, right?”

“No,” Donnie shook his head in the negative but tried to hold Leo even closer. “I have to do this on my own. This is _my_ mistake. I need to fix it.”

“Okay,” Leo reluctantly accepted his brother’s decision. “I’m here for you, if and when you need me, no matter what.”

Donnie pulled back and found that smiling this time wasn’t as difficult as before. He looked Leo in the eye and said, “I do need some help getting home. I wasn’t really paying attention to where we were going.”

Leo barked out a weak laugh and stood up. Donnie was quick to follow.

“Alright, Leon’s got it,” Leo said as he led the way back to the Lair. He kept a hold on one of Donnie’s hands and squeezed it every now and then. “I can show you all of the neat places I’ve found later once you’ve apologized to the others.”

“Yeah,” Donnie agreed quietly. Leo had forgiven him so easily. _What about Mikey and Raph?_

Leo seemed to pick up on his brother’s, his _twin’s_ , distress, and cautiously asked, “. . . So, who are you going to next?”

Donnie clutched Leo’s hand more firmly and thought about the apologies he needed to make to his other two brothers. Raph was the angriest at him, but Mikey was the most emotionally devastated. The way the box turtle had cried when he ran out, as though he was the sole cause of Donatello’s anger, had haunted the soft-shell’s dreams. The only thing that had kept him from apologizing to his youngest brother first was seeing Leo run out of the Lair before he got to Mikey’s door.

“Mikey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a link to the artwork that inspired this chapter! Go check out tallgirl14 on tumblr!
> 
> http://tallgirl14.tumblr.com/post/180304275785/apologize-pt-1-fight
> 
> UPDATE: tallgirl14 drew another fanart based off of the ending scene! Words cannot define how pumped I am because of that! Here's a link to it!
> 
> http://tallgirl14.tumblr.com/post/181290374300/tallgirl14-apologize-pt-1-fight-fanfic


	4. Mikey in His Bedroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donatello has just repaired his bond with Leonardo, but there are still two brothers left to reconcile with. Donnie has decided that Michelangelo is the next person he will apologize to.

Donatello and Leonardo reached the Lair after a few minutes of walking through the winding sewer tunnels. They hadn’t been as far from home as Donnie had initially believed, but they had taken enough turns to leave him disoriented. It would have taken him forever to find his way back on his own. The two turtles entered their still too quiet abode, but both with hearts a little less heavy than before they had left. The forgiveness that they felt from each other made the silence more tolerable.

“Mikey’s been staying in his room for most of the past week,” Leo stated.

“I know,” Donnie said, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Dad’s been telling me what you guys were doing since the second day of hiding out with him.”

“So, that’s where you’ve been!” Leo crowed.

A shout followed by clattering rang out after Leo’s outburst. The twins had been passing by the kitchen and hadn’t noticed the green blob sitting on the counter. Mikey was quick to leap down and dash off before either of his older brothers could speak to him. Donnie chased after the box turtle, but Leo stood still in the kitchen doorway.

“Mikey, wait!” The soft shell called. “I need to talk to you!”

“Go away!” Mikey yelled back. “I don’t _want_ to talk to you! You farted on our family!” The young box turtle had ducked into his room and slammed the door shut right in Donnie’s face.

Leo snickered at Mikey’s comment before seeing the way his twin seemed to crumple from the rejection. Donnie watched his chance to apologize to his baby brother disappear before his eyes, but he wouldn’t give up on his mission without a fight. He took a moment to shove his negative emotions to a manageable level before turning around and rejoining Leo in the kitchen. They saw a plate laying on the ground and pizza bites scattered over the countertop.

“Looks like Mikey was making himself a snack,” Leo deduced as Donnie picked up the plate.

The soft-shell looked at the dish in his hands despondently. Then, an idea began to form, and he gathered all the still frozen pizza bites onto the plate and placed it in the microwave. He set the timer and hit start.

“Then someone should take it to him when they’re hot,” Donnie declared, watching the plate slowly spin inside the appliance. He could probably rig it to heat up food faster, but that was a project for another day.

Leo grinned and walked away casually, saying, “Tell me how it goes. I’ll be in the arcade.”

Once the food was warmed up, Donnie grabbed the plate and marched to Mikey’s room. He knocked on the door. Predictably, there was no response. The soft-shell turtle tested the handle, found that it wasn’t locked, and went inside. Mikey was sitting on the floor close to his bed. His shell was to the door, and he was probably pouting now because his solitude was interrupted by the one turtle he really didn’t want to see. Donnie gripped the plate holding his peace offering a little tighter.

“Hey, Mikey,” Donnie greeted softly. No acknowledgement. Just like Leo had acted at first. So, just like with Leo, the soft-shell pushed on through the awkwardness and upset and made his way closer to Mikey. The small box turtle sent an annoyed glare over his shoulder when the older turtle didn’t take his silence as the blatant order to leave that it was. “I brought—”

Donnie looked down when he heard something crinkling underneath his feet. Lifting up a foot, the purple-loving turtle noticed for the first time that the floor was littered with wadded up pieces of paper and torn drawings. It looked as though Mikey had gone to war against his own art!

“What happened to your drawings?” Donnie’s heart sank to the pit of his stomach when he realized that the picture he stepped on was one of their whole family, torn into three pieces. It had been one of Mikey’s favorite drawings to show off, and Donnie would admit that he favored it as well. Now it lay on the ground, ruined by its creator’s own hands.

Mikey hunched a little lower at the intruding turtle’s question and mumbled, “I fixed them . . . because we’re not a real family.”

The soft-shell snapped his head up to look at Mikey’s huddled form. His eyes widened with fear and concern. He should have known that the baby of their family would take his emotional outburst to heart. Why _wouldn’t_ he? He looked up to the older turtles and thought that everything they said was always fact.

Donnie took a quiet, steadying breath and sat down next to Mikey, saying, “That’s a shame because I like all your drawings.” _Just the way they were, whole and happy, before I opened my big, stupid, angry mouth._

Mikey turned away. Donnie wondered if this would be the right time to hand over the food. He adjusted his hold on the plate in his lap and was glad to find that, if the heat against his thighs was any indication, the pizza bites were nice, warm, and not dragon-fire hot.

“Mikey?” Donnie asked. He hadn’t imagined Mikey would be easy to apologize to, not after having the door slammed on him twice already, but he had hoped that the box turtle would at least listen to what he had to say. “I want to talk about what I said.”

“I did what you said,” Mikey grumbled. “I left _you_ alone, so leave _me_ alone.” He gave Donnie a look that clearly said ‘What more do you want?!’

Donnie pulled a card out of the Standard Sibling Handbook™ and scooted closer to Mikey, saying, “But that’s why I’m here. I wanted to apologize for how I treated you. I was being a bad big brother—”

“But we’re not brothers,” Mikey shouted. He pulled into his shell and, as his plastron thumped to the floor, whispered, “You said so.”

Donnie sighed. That last statement hurt but helped the soft-shell construct the bulk of his apology. If Mikey was going to be hung up over what _Donnie_ said made a real family, then the soft-shell was going to tell Mikey exactly what defined a real family. Maybe Mikey would forgive him, maybe he would tell Donnie to never come near him again. It didn’t matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was making sure that the youngest turtle knew that “family” went beyond genepools.

“We are family, even if we aren’t related” Donnie stated, placing the plate of pizza bites in front of the box turtle’s shell. He leaned back slightly to collect his thoughts and felt his hand brush against the torn edges of the ruined family drawing. The soft-shell quietly gathered the pieces together while Mikey was distracted by the food. “How I decided to tell you that we weren’t related… it was cruel.” _And it wasn’t my decision to make._

Donnie glanced down and gave a wan smile when he saw two green hands pop out of Mikey’s shell, grab two fistfuls of pizza bites, and withdraw again. The quiet chewing relieved some of Donnie’s fear. If Mikey was comfortable enough to eat around him, then Donnie knew that he would at least be heard out. He saw a tape dispenser underneath the bed, partially hidden by a low-hanging blanket. Donnie snagged it and got to work, pulling out long strips of tape.

“I’m sorry for ruining your view of our family,” he said, aligning the edges of the drawing pieces as best he could. “But just because we’re not blood related—” Donnie smoothed the tape over the front and back of the drawing. “–doesn’t make us any less family or any less brothers.” Donnie set aside the tape dispenser and picked up the repaired picture for inspection.

He deeply wished that the tape had never been needed to begin with. However, the strips of paper held together, and the drawing was otherwise as good as new, in spite of being scarred by tears that should never have been there.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me,” Donnie placed the forever marred drawing on the ground and stood up, “but you do deserve an apology.”

The soft-shell marched towards the door, his sorrow growing with each step he took. Mikey hadn’t said anything, gave no indication of forgiveness, and made no attempt to keep the older turtle from leaving. He supposed that they were no longer family in the youngest turtle’s opinion. Donnie didn’t look back at the little brother who he had hurt so badly. Splinter had been right; he had waited too long. As a result, their bond as brothers had disappeared forever.

He should have looked back. Mikey had been caught up in admiring the taped up drawing Donnie had set before him when he stood up. The box turtle slowly came out of his shell and held the mended paper up. His heart still hurt from Donnie yelling at him a week ago, as well as from when he destroyed most of his drawings during a meltdown a few days afterwards. However, the more Mikey thought about what Donnie had just said and done, the more the pain was soothed into something more bearable. Having a full stomach helped settle some of the mask-less turtle’s upset as well.

“Donnie, I—” Mikey began but stopped when he realized that the room was empty besides him and his ocean of wrecked artwork. He was filled with an overwhelming sense of urgency and ran out of his room, repaired drawing in hand, screaming, “Donnie!”

Donatello was halfway to the arcade in order to regroup with Leo when he heard Mikey’s shout. He had barely turned around when the box turtle mutant was suddenly latched to his side. The younger turtle pressed his face into the older one’s plastron, crinkling paper from clutching it too tightly.

“Mikey?” Donnie asked. He slowly brought his arms to hover over his baby brother’s shoulders.

“Do you mean it?” Mikey asked quietly. “Are we really a family? Brothers? Even when I annoy you?”

Donnie finally pulled Mikey into a tight hug and stated, “Of course, we’re brothers. Blood relations are not the only thing that define a family. And the way you get on my nerves definitely makes you my little brother.”

“Thanks for the apology and food, Donnie,” Mikey said before sniffling out, “I’m sorry I slammed my door in your face, and yelled at you, and ran away from you, and peed on your backpack.”

“It’s okay, Mikey,” Donnie said, patting his baby brother’s head. “I shouldn’t have exploded at you for just wanting to spend some time with me. I deserved it.” The soft-shell paused for a moment. “Wait, you _peed_ on my backpack?!”

“I’m sorry!” Mikey cried.

Donnie huffed and held Mikey a little longer, saying, “It’s fine. I can wash it. Do you want to play a game with me and Leo for a minute?”

Mikey pulled away with a confused look.

“Leo wants to play with us?” he asked.

Donnie nodded and explained, “I apologized to him a little earlier. I was going to talk to you first, but . . .”

“Do you still need to apologize to Raph?” Mikey asked. Donnie cringed at the reminder.

“Yes,” Donnie admitted as he led the way to the arcade, “I guess we can all play later then.”

Leo leaned out of the arcade and smiled widely.

“Mikey forgave you!” he cheered.

“Yep!” Mikey laughed.

Donnie simply nodded and said, “Yeah, now I have to talk to Raph.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a link to the artwork that inspired this chapter!
> 
> http://tallgirl14.tumblr.com/post/181718744105/donnie-apologie-to-mike-leos-first-fanfic
> 
> I took a little liberty with one of Donatello's lines, but I added in a bit of dialogue that tallgirl14 came up with that no sane fanfiction author would leave out.


	5. Raph in the Dojo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie has both of his younger brothers back! Now he just needs to talk to Raph and all will be well again.

“Raph’s been making a lot of food runs, lately,” Leo said. “Maybe he’s in bed resting for another trip tonight.”

Donnie groaned, muttering, “There’s no way he’d even want to hear me out if I woke him up!”

“But he’s not asleep,” Mikey said. “Papa got mad at Raph for going to the surface during the day and made him go clean out the dojo.”

“When did this happen?” Leo asked in surprise. “We were gone for, like, ten minutes. Fifteen tops!”

“We were gone for thirty minutes,” Donnie said. “That’s plenty of time for Raph to get caught by Dad. How did you find out though, Mikey?”

“Papa gave me the food Raph found to put away,” Mikey explained. “I didn’t want to get in trouble like Raph did, so I stayed in the kitchen to get a snack.”

Donnie nodded and said, “I’ll see if Raph’s still in the dojo. You guys go ahead and play some games. If all goes well, we’ll be joining you soon!”

“Yay!” Leo and Mikey cheered as their older brother raced away to find their eldest sibling.

 _One more apology_ , Donnie thought, _then everything will go back to normal._

As he neared the dojo, the soft-shell started picking up the familiar muttering Raph released every time he was annoyed while doing chores. It was extremely comforting for Donnie to hear the snapping turtle grumble on about the demolished state of the dojo and how unfair it was that _he_ had to clean it up by himself. Donnie felt his hopes rise with each word, longing have all of his brothers back. Maybe if he helped Raph clean the dojo, the eldest turtle may be more willing to listen to Donnie’s apology. However, he needed to be careful. Splinter had warned his sons not to go inside the dojo without his consent due to the danger the room posed, especially to Donatello and his soft shell.

Donnie peeked around the doorframe. The last time he had been in there was three months ago when it was last completely intact. He and his brothers had thoroughly trashed it under their father’s supervision, and it had been a construction zone/disaster area ever since. Scaffolding laden with spackling materials lined a wall pock-marked from where dozens of shuriken and kunai pierced _it_ instead of hitting the stuffed targets Splinter had set up. There were divots in the floor made from the spikes of a mace when the boys had tried to swing without dropping. Surprisingly, Mikey was the only one who hadn’t lost grip or control on the mace, leaving his area on the floor divot-free. Sandbags and concrete mixes lay haphazardly around the room, as well as buckets, shredded up training dummies, and broken fragments of wood.

Raphael was dragging the dummies and other pieces of sizeable debris into piles by the door. The dummies would be taken to Donnie’s lab at some point to get stitched back together, the broken boards could be used as firewood or for Mikey to craft with, but the chunks of concrete would have to be thrown away. Raph maintained a sour expression of frustration and anger throughout his punishment that Donnie figured was directed at Splinter. It didn’t take a genius to realize that the young soft-shell turtle needed to be careful when approaching the irate snapper. Raphael was _never_ fun to be around when he was angry, and Donatello was not foolish enough to think that the anger towards him burned any less than the inferno that it was when it first ignited.

 _Now or never_ , Donnie thought decisively and walked towards the bigger turtle.

“Raph?” Donnie asked as entered the room.

Raph kept sorting through the wreckage, completely ignoring Donnie’s presence. That caused a now familiar, but still unpleasant, wave of awkwardness to spread inside of Donnie. However, the soft-shell had figured out the pattern his brother would most likely follow by this point. If he played his cards right, Don would be able to get Raph to listen to his apology.

“Raph, I know that you’re kinda busy, but can we talk?” Donnie asked. When there was no response, he added, “I can help you with clean up, too, if you want.”

Raph continued to ignore the soft-shell. He actually started to move deeper into the dojo’s construction zone. The snapping turtle’s mumbling seemed to intensify. A sinking feeling tugged at Donnie’s stomach, but he was determined to say his piece to his stubborn older brother. Did Raph want to be left alone, or was he testing Donnie’s sincerity? Donnie knew when he was mad at Raph that the snapping turtle would never let him be, never relent, until he made things right. It would follow that the same logic should apply to Raph having an issue with him. Donatello followed Raphael.

“Raph, c’mon,” Donnie said when the larger turtle wouldn’t stop walking away. “I just want to talk!”

Raph steadily picked up speed until his walk turned into a run. He had long stopped muttering and focused more on putting distance between himself and Donnie. Raph bobbed and weaved through the destruction in the dojo with an ease that would surprise anyone who didn’t know him. He may be big and bulky, but the snapping turtle did not necessarily lack a complete sense of grace in his movements. Donnie did his best to keep up. However, he was exhausted from his chase after Leo and felt his legs starting to cramp up from overuse.

“Raph, stop! Please, stop!” Donnie cried out while slowly and unwillingly coming to a stop. His legs felt like they were going to give out from under him, and his big brother, his _only_ big brother, was nowhere in sight anymore.

Donnie leaned against the sandbags bracing the scaffolding. As agile as he normally was, the soft-shell turtle couldn’t stop the pain and fear that quickly drained his stamina. He had gone into the dojo with the hope that Raph would at least be willing to listen to an apology, but the snapping turtle flat out ignored and avoided him. Donnie came to the horrible conclusion that he had hurt the soft-hearted Raphael far worse than either Leo or Mikey. Raph hadn’t even looked at him once. Had the soft-shell truly been abandoned by his only big brother? The same big brother who had always watched his shell if he even thought something was going to cause harm, who would rough house with him as gently as possible, who had forgiven him countless times already for accidentally tearing up beloved stuffed animals and ruining fun with his logic. Donnie’s breathing hitched, and he ducked his head from the despair of his thoughts. His legs hurt, his head hurt, and his heart hurt the most. Donatello was caught so deeply in his own agony that he didn’t notice Raphael watching him from the scaffolding.

“Raphael!” Donnie screamed one final time. He knew it sounded as broken as he felt.

The red-clad turtle waited a moment, as if debating with himself, before leaping down in front of the soft-shell.

“I _don’t_ want to talk to you,” Raph stated bluntly, crossing his arms and avoiding eye-contact. “I’m here to clean, not listen to whatever it is you want to say.”

“But—”

“I said _no_!” Raph interrupted, slamming his fist into one of the metal legs of the scaffolding.

Dust cascaded onto Donnie’s head, and creaking and popping began to fill the air. Donnie didn’t even need to look up to know that the planks from the scaffolding above them had been dislodged and the whole structure was coming down. Raph had miscalculated his own strength, and both of them were going to be buried. One glance at Raph’s wide-eyed expression steeled the soft-shell turtle’s resolve. Without stopping to think, Donnie gathered up all his remaining strength and shoved Raph out of the way.

“Donnie!” Raph yelled.

Donnie briefly felt relief knowing that his big brother would be alright. Then, the _crashing_ happened, and _pain_ and _terror_ filled him. Plaster packages and sandbags tore open in the fall and rained down upon Donatello and Raphael, cloaking the two in a dusty haze. Raph coughed as he waved his arm through the plaster and sand floating in the air. There was no way their dad hadn’t heard this commotion, and he knew he would be in even deeper trouble. Just over his coughs and the fading echoes of the crash, the snapping turtle was able to make out pained moaning.

“Donnie?” Raph asked. He stepped closer to the pile of metal and wood that used to the scaffolding before freezing up in terror. “Donnie!”

The heavy boards pinned Donnie to the ground by the middle of his soft shell, and the metal poles added pressure to completely immobilize him. He was covered in gray-white plaster powder, and Raph could swear his saw something red sliding down Donnie’s side. Donnie frantically tried to pull himself out of the wreckage, but he just wasn’t strong enough to break free. A pained scream tore its way from the soft-shell’s mouth as his scrambling did nothing but get him more stuck. Donatello couldn’t move an inch without the pain flaring and tearing up his spine.

“Donnie, stop moving,” Raph ordered desperately. “Stop moving, Donnie! You’re making it worse!”

Donnie didn’t care. He hurt everywhere. He couldn’t move. He felt hot and cold and sticky and dry. Breathing was the only thing he felt like he could do right, and the dust and sand were making that more difficult than it should’ve been. He was in trouble. Raph wouldn’t even look at him, and Leo and Mikey weren’t strong enough to help him. There was only one person left who would be able to help him.

“Dad,” Donnie whimpered quietly.

“What?” Raph hadn’t heard what the younger turtle said.

Choking on dust, Donnie raised his voice and yelled, “Dad! Daddy!”

Raph felt a chill in the pit of his stomach and quickly tried to silence Donatello.

“No, I can do it!” he said quickly. “I can get you out. Don’t call Pops!”

However, Raphael knew it was a fruitless endeavor on his part. Everyone in their family knew that if Donatello, independent and self-sufficient that he was, called for “Daddy,” then the situation was truly out of hand.

“Daddy! Daddy!” Donnie shrieked long and loud.

“Purple, what hap—”

Neither Donnie or Raph noticed when their father came in, but the soft-shell broke completely when he saw the gray rat.

“Daddy, help me!” Donnie sobbed.

Splinter rushed to the pinned turtle’s side without giving his eldest a glance. He tried to school his expression into something comforting and not show the horror and fear that had wrapped their icy chains around his heart.

“Hush, Donatello, I’m right here,” Splinter murmured while petting his son’s head. “You’ll be out of there in no time.” With one sweep of his tail, he sent the metal poles holding down the boards flying and scattered the plastering tools away from Donnie’s shell. “Raphael, lift these boards so I can pull Donatello out.”

“Yessir,” Raph said. He picked up the board barely an inch above Donnie before Splinter pulled the soft-shell out to assess him for further injuries.

“Daddy,” Donnie hiccupped. “It hurts.”

“I know, son,” Splinter hushed while checking the dusty turtle over. He grimaced at the gash he saw in the middle of Donnie’s shell. “It will hurt for a while. Come on now, up we go.” Splinter lifted his injured son as gently as possible and carried him to the rat mutant’s bedroom.

All Donnie felt was pain and hopelessness. He tightened his grip on the back of his father’s robe. His shell throbbed and ached from where the scaffolding had fallen on him, and something wet was sliding down his carapace. He looked at the ground behind Splinter and balked at the red spots trialing behind them.

_I’m bleeding, Raph doesn’t want to be around me, and now Dad’s going to be mad at me for getting hurt!_

Donnie whimpered at the thought of having more of his family leave him when he just got his little brothers back. He buried his head into Splinter’s shoulder. He didn’t notice when they had reached his father’s room or see that Raph was guiltily trailing after them.

“Purple, I want you to lay on your front,” Splinter instructed as he placed his son on the bed. “I need to clean you up and put in some stitches.”

“I wanna sleep,” Donnie mumbled. He didn’t want to be awake for any more painful events, be they physical or emotional.

Splinter was immediately holding his head and looking deep into his eyes, and asked, “Do you feel lightheaded? headachy? like you want to puke?”

Donnie shook his head without any immediate regrets, saying, “No, I’m sleepy.”

Splinter didn’t look any less worried. He stared at Donnie for a few moments more before nodding.

“Lay on your belly then,” he said while manually moving his son onto his stomach. “I’ll be done before you wake up.”

Donatello fell asleep almost immediately after that. He slept soundly through the wash his father gave him but twitched and grimaced when his wounds were treated. The soft-shell didn’t get the chance to see the horrified look on Raphael’s face when he saw the jagged gash and forming bruises. He wasn’t aware of Splinter questioning his big brother on what led to his injuries or the disappointment his father expressed towards the eldest turtle mutant. Donnie had no idea that Splinter had left him and Raphael alone in his room having not heard the door lock through his dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, I did a mean and made everybody sad. Don't worry though! The tag says "eventual happy ending" for a reason ;) I also did a little editing in the previous chapters, so check those out again if you haven't already.


	6. Raph and Donnie in Splinter's Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the disaster in the dojo, Donnie passed out from exhaustion and pain. He's awake now and confronted by Raphael.

Donnie slowly became aware of the comforting warmth of a blanket pulled over his shoulders contrasting sharply with the pain lancing from his stitched up carapace. He didn’t know how long he had been asleep, but he knew it wasn’t long enough to make any of his hurt lessen. His attempted apology to Raph had been a complete disaster. The snapping turtle had refused to look at him the entire time, and Donnie highly suspected that Raph only wanted to try and help him out of the wreckage to avoid whatever punishment their father would give them. With that in mind, Donnie tried to slowly push himself up into a sitting position but stopped halfway up when the pain tearing up his shell grew too much. He barely managed to bite back a whimper.

“Don’t do that!”

Donnie’s head shot up at Raph’s voice. How long had he been there? Large-for-an-eight-year-old hands quickly steadied the soft-shell before carefully moving him up to lean against the pillows on Splinter’s bed. As soon as Donnie was settled, the hands disappeared.

“Raph?” Donnie said quietly.

Raphael backed away from the bed and sat down on the swivel chair by Splinter’s desk. He crossed his arms and gruffly asked, “Why would you push me out of the way?”

Donnie, taken aback by the question, simply said, “Because we’re brothers.” _Even if you won’t forgive me._

“What you did was stupid,” the snapper scoffed.

“You would’ve gotten hurt,” Donnie reasoned, confused and hurt by Raph’s statement. He wouldn’t try to deny that what he did wasn’t very bright, but that wasn’t the point!

“Not as bad as you did!” Raph countered. He pointed harshly at the injured turtle. “You said it yourself: I’m twice as big as you are! I have a stronger body than you! I wouldn’t have gotten more than a few scratches if that stuff fell on me!”

 _He probably would’ve been able to dig himself out, too, unlike me_ , Donnie thought, gripping at the blanket covering his legs. However, now wasn’t the time to point out their differences. Donnie squeezed his eyes shut and blocked out the comparisons—they were clearly not going to be helpful in this situation. Instead, he said, “I was trying to help you because I _care_. _You_ wouldn’t listen to me.” He paused then mumbled to himself, “It’s not like I had planned on being buried.”

“Well, you were,” Raph snarled. Donnie couldn’t hear the worry in his tone past the anger. “You’re supposed to be the smart one! You should’ve left me alone! You got banged up and buried because you were stupid!”

“When you want to make your point, you never leave me alone, no matter how mad I get at you,” Donnie shouted. “Why can’t I follow your example when _I’m_ the one trying to apologize?! Hm?”

“Well,” Raph floundered, clearly surprised by Don’s statement, “maybe leaving you alone this time was _my_ point! You didn’t want us around, so I wasn’t.” His eyes hardened. “Besides, if you had just stayed away from a bossy, bothersome pain like me, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt!”

Donnie felt his train of thought crash when he heard his own words used against him. He understood that Raph was hurt by them, but the context was wrong.

“How am I supposed to stay away from you?” Donnie questioned softly. _Your logic makes no sense_. Raph was his family. The four mutant turtles were all that they had in the world, including their rat father. There was no way they could keep this up for . . . for the rest of their lives. “We live in the same house.”

Spinning around in the chair, Raph shrugged and said carelessly, “You’ve been doing a good job of that all week. You must’ve been _so_ happy without me or the others _bugging_ you in your lab.”

A nasty ember of anger sparked up a little in the soft-shell’s chest. The red-clad mutant had no idea that he avoided the ground zero of this entire debacle. Raph didn’t care that Donnie had been killing himself with loneliness for days on end trying to figure out how to make things better. Donatello fought desperately to keep the anger from growing with a deep breath. If a hiss came out of his mouth, he would blame it wholly on the pain in his shell from moving the wrong way and not on the ire and frustration he felt towards the snapping turtle.

“How am I supposed to make amends with you if _you_ won't let me even try?!” Donnie demanded. “What does us avoiding each other prove?! _None_ of this makes any sense!”

Don could see Raph’s thinned patience snap when he roared, “I’M JUST GIVING YOU WHAT YOU WANTED: ME NOT BEING YOUR BIG BROTHER!!!”

Donnie’s world came to a screeching halt. What . . . what did Raph just say? Not his . . . Horror and loss shot through his heart. Was this how it felt for the others all that time ago in the lab? Is this how it felt to be disowned by someone you cared about so deeply? He was . . . abandoned. No, there still had to be a chance! The snapping turtle had stayed by Donnie’s side for who knows how long, and he talked to him! Even if most of it was an argument, they were talking again! That had to mean something!

Donnie steeled himself mentally and, putting on a façade of nonchalance to hide his true feelings of desperation fragile hope, said, “Whatever. I’m just glad you’re talking to me.”

Raphael went back to spinning around in the chair and avoiding his eyes, muttering, “I have to talk to you until Pops comes back. He locked the door.”

Quiet descended between the two mutant children. So that was it? It was only because of an underhanded trick by their father? If that were true and Raph had truly not wanted to be his big brother anymore, then why did he bother breaking the silence between them?! Donnie just didn’t get it! What was the point in trying to help him, even a little, and speaking to him if the snapping turtle hated him now? When Donnie opened his mouth to ask Raph just that, the door clicked open. Mikey not-so-subtly poked his head in and looked at his older brothers curiously. Raph and Donnie blankly returned his stare. However, when Mikey saw the soft-shell, or more accurately the bandages and bruises on him, the young box turtle ran in wailing. Leo was quick to follow his younger brother into the room and quickly assessed the situation. Mikey had jumped onto Splinter’s bed to get closer to Donnie and see his battered body, and Raph sat as far from the bed as he could.

“Man, Raph,” Leo said in surprise, “I knew you were upset with Donnie, but was this really necessary?” Donnie could hear the accusatory edge in his twin’s voice, and evidently so did Raph.

“ _I_ didn’t do this to Donnie,” the snapper denied. “Donnie did this to himself!”

Leo gave the purple-clad turtle a once over and slowly, suspiciously, replied, “That doesn’t sound like Donnie.”

Mikey wrapped his arms around one of Donnie’s and asked, “What happened?”

“Yeah, what did happen?” Leo asked. “There was an awful big commotion in the dojo earlier. Dad told us to stay away from it for now.”

Donnie took a quick moment to collect his thoughts. This was all his fault. It was his fault that he got hurt, and it was his fault that Raph didn’t want to be his big brother anymore. But he wouldn’t let any blame be placed on the red-loving snapping turtle if he could help it!

“I was running in the dojo and knocked something into the scaffolding,” Donnie explained carefully. His hands fidgeted a little, but it wasn’t a total lie. Normally thinking up of fibs on the spot made his brain stall, but half-truths? Those were easy enough. “It fell on me.”

“Nope!” Leo chirped immediately and crossed his arms. “Donnie isn't _that_ big of a klutz. What _really_ happened?”

“Exactly what I said!” Donnie groaned in exasperation. Of course Leo would know when he was trying to hide something. Why couldn’t they just leave him be?! Catching that last thought, Donnie realized that he wouldn’t be able to take much more of this. If he kept letting himself get aggravated in this room with the others, then it would just end up like it did all that time ago in his lab. Only this time, he knew he would say something that would never be forgiven. He needed to get out and calm down.

He slowly pulled himself to the edge of Splinter’s bed and made to get down. It hurt. It hurt so much, in both his shell and his heart. However, when Raph suddenly appeared at his side to help him, Donnie swatted his hands away. He nearly fell from the pangs the action sent up his shell.

“I don't need help,” Donnie said thickly, even though he clearly felt otherwise and knew the others could see it. “I'm fine.”

“No!” Raph exclaimed. He hovered at the soft-shell’s side, worry and stubbornness shining in his eyes, but Donnie was the one refusing to meet gazes this time. “I know what you look like under those bandages. I don't want you getting any worse!”

“Why do you care?!” Donnie asked fiercely. “You said you were only here because Dad locked the door! Well, guess what?” He swept his arm dramatically towards the doorway. “It's wide open!” Unwanted tears gathered in the soft-shell’s eyes. He tried to fight them off, but a few slipped out anyway. “Just leave me alone since you hate me so much!”

Raph’s eyes widened in shock before the narrowing stubbornness returned. “I never said I hated you! I was giving you what you asked for!”

“And I was trying to make things right!” Donnie shouted, voice cracking. “Leo forgave me and so did Mikey!” Tears were streaming down Donnie’s cheeks now. “But you wouldn't even hear me out when I tried . . .”

“WHAT!??!” Leo bellowed. He pulled Donnie behind him and glared at his eldest brother. Raph quickly grew nervous. “Donnie tried to apologize to you, and you didn't even give him a chance?!”

“Well . . .,” Raph hummed, avoiding the gaze of his little brothers.

A look of realization dawned on Leo’s face, and he snarled, “You _did_ hurt Donnie, didn't you?! You’re the reason he looks like a mummy!” He swung a punch at the snapping turtle’s jaw, but Donnie grabbed the ends of his mask and pulled him back.

“Don’t!” Donnie cried, struggling to keep Leo back. He grimaced at the way every little shift in his arms caused aggravation in his stitches. “I got hurt because I was stupid!”

Leo glanced back at his brother incredulously. “But you’re the smart one! That doesn't make sense.”

“That's what I said!” Raph interjected before wilting under Leo’s steely gaze.

Donnie drew attention back to him by saying, “I should have left Raphael alone when I saw how mad he was, but I couldn't just watch him get hurt knowing I could have stopped it! I didn't think about what would happen to me.”

“Donnie went through all this trouble to say sorry, he even got hurt in the process,” Leo growled, slipping out of his mask to push Raph back _hard_ , “and you still won't forgive him?!”

“Leo stop,” Donnie begged. He felt the defeat of this lost cause echo hollowly in his belly. “You can't make Raph accept an apology he doesn’t want to hear.”

“Raphie,” Mikey said sadly, “don't you want Donnie to be your brother anymore? I know he's mine and Leo's. He wants to be yours, too. He told me so.”

Raph looked dumbfounded at his baby brother’s statement and remained silent. Donnie choked on a whimper. He didn’t know how Leo or Mikey would take it when Raph told them that he _didn’t_ , in fact, want to be his brother anymore. Not wanting to hear the inevitable response, the soft-shell ran out of Splinter’s room. Leo didn’t hesitate to chase after him. Raph looked on helplessly as the two sped away before flicking his gaze to the only other occupant in the room. Mikey teared up at his biggest brother’s silence and followed after his other brothers, squeezing one of Donnie’s hands in comfort when he caught up to them.

“Why am I the bad guy?” Raph demanded to the empty room, clenching his hands. He stomped towards the swivel chair, grumbling and muttering, “I was just trying to show—Ugh!”

“You cannot teach a lesson that has already been learned, Red,” Splinter stated as he rounded the doorframe. “You and I need to have a talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it, folks. Things aren't looking so hot for Donnie at the moment, but the same can be said for Raph. How will this all be resolved?


	7. Words Said in Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie and his apology have been rejected by Raphael! However, Leo and Mikey are still by his side. Maybe they can help him feel better. As for Raph, Splinter has something to say about the way he treated Purple.

What would it take for Raphael to see that the soft-shell was sorry? Leo had felt bad for igniting the flames of his anger and wanted forgiveness as much as an apology; Mikey just needed confirmation that they were a family and that he wanted them to be that way. But it was too late for apologies now, wasn’t it?

“Raph hates me,” Donnie moaned to himself while rushing down the hall. “He might not have said it, but he hates me. He wouldn’t even look me in the eye!”

“Donnie, wait,” Leo cried out. He caught his older twin with a carefully placed hand on his shoulder. “Don, Raph doesn’t hate you. He’s just being a stubborn butthead.”

“You’re so sure of that,” Donnie snarled, debating between shrugging off Leo’s hand or embracing the red-eared slider. “He _told_ me that—” He cut himself off. Why make Leo any more upset at the snapping turtle than he already was? It’s not like it mattered anymore. “Never mind.”

“What? What did Raph tell you?” Leo asked suspiciously.

“Nothing,” Donnie lied. “He didn’t tell me anything.”

Mikey raced up to Donnie and squeezed his free hand. He softly said, “Raphie didn’t answer me. Are things still going to be weird?”

Donnie bit his lip. He couldn’t tell another lie, not to his baby brother; but he couldn’t tell them the truth either. And when the door to their father’s room slammed shut, the soft-shell found himself unable to even speak. Leo must have understood his struggle and took matters into his own hands.

He patted Mikey’s head, saying, “Not for long. It may take a little while for things to get better, but don’t worry about it took much. We’re brothers, after all. We fight and make each other mad, but then we make up. Things are gonna work out.”

Mikey gave a small smile. “Okay. If you say so.”

Donnie smiled ruefully at the blatant lie Leo didn’t even realize he’d told. There was no way Raphael would forgive him. They weren’t brothers anymore. He turned to go back to his lab, ground zero, and stew on his loss, but the shooting pain in his shell nearly brought him to his knees. Luckily for him, Leo and Mikey were there to catch him before he fell.

“Donnie!” They cried out.

“Ow!” Donnie barked out. “Ow! Ow! OW!”

“What’s wrong?” Mikey asked, helping Leo brace their older brother up on his trembling legs.

“It’s my shell,” Donnie hissed. “It really hurt when I tried to walk just now. Can you guys help me to my lab?”

“No probbles,” Leo said, easily stealing one of Donnie’s favorite lines. “Leave it to Leon and Miguel!”

“Yeah!” Mikey agreed, helping Donnie onto Leo’s back. “We can get you to the lab really fast!”

“Thanks guys,” Donnie said. If he wrapped his arms a bit snugger around Leo’s shoulders, no one said anything about it. He was just glad he had his little brothers to lean on during this heartbreaking time. “If you want, we can play ‘Lab Assistant’ when we get there. I, uh, need to start over on my tech bo and wouldn’t mind the help.”

“Wait, really?” Leo asked. He glanced over his shoulder to look Donnie in the eye. “Last time, we kinda messed things up.”

“Well, I wasn’t watching what you were doing last time,” Donnie said in mock defense. “If you guys are to keep coming into my lab, then I’m going to put you to use, especially since I’m in no shape to work alone.”

“Yay!” Mikey celebrated, and Leo laughed at his antics. “Donnie wants us to help, Leo! We can build anything! Last one there’s a rotten egg!” He raced ahead of them and dove into the lab.

“Alright, Mikey’s gone,” Leo said knowingly, and the smile on his face dimmed. “Spill.”

Donnie mumbled, “I just really don’t want to be alone right now. Please. Please stay with me.” As sad as he was, he almost wanted to laugh at how the situation had changed for him. Instead of trying to keep his brothers out of his lab, his domain, his place of quiet and solitude, the soft-shell was inviting them in and encouraging them to stay.

“I told you, D,” Leo said. “I’m here for you, no matter what. It’s what twins are for!”

“Thanks, Leo,” Donnie said as they entered the lab. _Thanks for being my brother._

“Here’s a chair, Donnie!” Mikey said, rolling the swivel chair towards his older brothers and holding it steady for Donnie to sit on.

“Thanks, Mikey.” Donnie smiled down at his baby brother before looking around his lab. He hadn’t been there for a week, and not much had changed except for a thin layer of dust that had collected on top of his machines and projects. Glancing at his desk, the soft-shell could see his shield project where he had left it, but in front of it lay a badly taped crooked metal stick that he could only assume to be his prototype tech bo. “You weren’t kidding about the tape not working,” Donnie teased as Leo pushed him to the desk.

“Shut up,” Leo mumbled, clearly embarrassed by his failed handiwork.

Mikey laughed, but Donnie simply gave Leo a fond grin. It wasn’t long before the prototype was in pieces once more. While Donnie set Mikey to work organizing the wiring that could be salvaged and Leo to gathering up tools and materials, the soft-shell caught his reflection in the slightly dusty dome of his protective shield. He rubbed the dust away to get a better look and found that his face was bare. He could see the bruises that were scattered over his face and the nasty-looking cut that slightly oozed underneath his right eye. He hadn’t felt them this entire time—heck, he hadn’t even realized that his mask was gone—but ignorance was bliss, and he was aware of the pain now. His eyes widened.

“Hey, Donnie,” Leo said as he set down the tools and metals his brother had requested. “What are you looking at?”

Donnie would later swear that he had prepared responses along the lines of _‘I didn’t realize my mask was off’_ and _‘There’s a cut under my eye that I really could use a bandage for,’_ but neither of those phrases left his lips. What Donnie declared, to not only his brothers but to the world itself, as he pointed at the reflection was astoundingly profound and of the highest import.

“MY EYEBROWS?!?!”

* * *

Splinter held himself up to his full height as he frowned at his eldest son. It wasn’t that impressive of a difference considering Raph was only a head smaller than him, but this was Pops. And Pops wasn’t playing around. The snapper was in trouble. Big trouble. However, as much as he hated being in trouble, Raph still felt he was in the right and used his anger towards the soft-shell to justify himself.

“Care to explain exactly what just happened, Red?” Splinter asked as he closed the door.

“I don’t have to listen to what he has to say,” Raph growled. “He goes off about none of us being brothers and disappears for a week. I was giving him what he wanted! He should’ve left me alone.”

“Do _not_ use that tone of voice with me,” Splinter snapped. “ _He_ has a name, Red, and you will use it. Purple did _not_ deserve to be treated so poorly, especially after what he did for you. Do you truly not want him as your brother?”

“ _Donatello_ said he didn’t want us, first,” Raph nearly shrieked. Angry and frustrated tears pricked his eyes. “He screamed it to our faces! How different we all are from each other. How we weren’t blood-related. How he doesn’t want us around him!” He dropped his bottom to the floor, crossed his arms and legs, and glared at the ground. He didn’t feel guilty at all. “I gave him what he wanted!” Nope, not at all. Not. One. Bit. Of guilt.

Splinter sighed tiredly. He was getting old. His children were making him old. They were killing him. They were killing their father. Slowly but surely.

“Red, words said in anger hurt those who hear them,” Splinter said calmly, “but they also injure the one who says them as well.”

Raph blinked. _What is that supposed to mean?_ He looked up to his father in blatant confusion.

“Purple regretted saying those hurtful things to all of you as soon as they left his mouth,” Splinter explained. “He said them because he was upset that something he worked hard on was broken by those he cared about the most. After your fight, Purple spent the entire week hiding by my side because he was afraid of his brothers abandoning him.”

Raph felt something grow cold settle in his belly. The guilt that he had been ignoring spread to his chest and reflected in his eyes. “He did?”

“Yes, Red,” Splinter nodded sagely. “If I was told correctly, Purple started avoiding you, Blue, and Orange the day after your fight because you walked away from him first. He didn’t know how to apologize to you and feared that you would reject him again if he tried.” Raph wilted at how right Donnie had been. “He was so terrified that you hated him because you believed he hated you that he even cried. Now, it would appear that he was justified in his fears. I left you both in this room so you could fix your problems, not cause new ones.”

Raph choked on the guilt and sadness that welled up in him. Donnie had been afraid of losing him as a big brother? The snapping turtle had been mad at him for what he said and decided that giving the soft-shell a taste of what he wanted would set him straight, but it seemed that Raphael had taken it too far. He hadn’t liked pretending that he didn’t care about Donnie, especially when he saw the trail of blood that was left behind after the scaffolding fell. He had cleaned it up with some of the rags from the destroyed training dummies before Leo or Mikey saw it. It scared Raph how much blood he had to wipe up before he watched his father tend to Donnie’s wounds. Pops had told him to talk to Donnie when he woke up and that the door would be locked until he did; but when the snapper had watched over the soft-shell and saw the bruises and cuts that couldn’t be covered, all Raphael could think of was how stupid Donnie was for running around in the dojo. He had been angry and upset and worried and—

“I didn’t even really lock the door,” Splinter stated plainly. “I just played a locking sound from my phone. If you hadn’t really wanted to talk to Purple, I know you would’ve at least tried to force the door open.”

Raph started sobbing. He _had_ wanted to talk to Donnie, but the more he thought about what happened while the younger mutant slept the worse he felt. He had thought Donnie was going to die when he accidentally made the scaffolding collapse. He thought Donnie, and everyone else, would think he tried to bury him on purpose. He thought Donnie still wouldn’t want him as his big brother after all that. In the end, Raphael had been just as afraid as his younger brother.

“I made everything worse!” Raph wailed into his knees.

“Maybe,” Splinter sighed, stroking his son’s head, “but perhaps you can fix it.”

“How?” Raph whimpered when his father pulled away. He looked up to see Splinter pulling a patch of purple fabric down from the bed. It was Donnie’s mask.

“You tell me, Red,” Splinter said. He held out the purple mask. “What will you do?”

Raph hiccupped a little and took the mask into his hands. He stared at it for a moment and realized how much he actually missed seeing Donnie and his Sharpied-on eyebrows. He missed the sarcastic comments, quick wit, and the science talk that he didn’t altogether understand.

“I’ll talk to him for real this time,” the snapping turtle said slowly, making sure what he said wasn’t just what his father wanted to hear. “I’ll listen to what he has to say and apologize for being a jerk. He’s my little brother, and I want him back, Pops.”

“Good,” Splinter nodded with approval. “Now, get to it. Purple was very upset when he ran out.”

Raph charged out of Splinter’s room and into the Lair. It had been a little while since his brothers—all of his brothers—had left, so he had a few places to choose from. _Where would Donnie go?_ Raph thought to himself as he peeked into the family room. His shell was hurt and so were his feelings and he was probably with their little brothers still. So, where would they take Donnie to make him feel better? The snapping turtle checked Leo’s room, then Mikey’s, and just when he was going to check Donnie’s, he heard voices pouring from the soft-shell’s lab. Once he reached the doorway, Raph stayed as quiet as possible and watched as his little brothers worked together on one of Donnie’s projects.

“Hey, Donnie, do you need this thing yet?” Mikey asked as he held up a ratchet.

Donnie smiled but shook his head in the negative. “Not yet, Mikey. I still have to make sure the panels are the right size first.” He glanced over at Leo to see how his share of the work was going. “How’s that wiring coming along?”

“I forget,” Leo said, crossing his arms in confusion. “Do the red wires go next to the green ones or the yellow ones?”

Donnie snickered. “Neither! They wrap around the black ones. Like this!” Donnie demonstrated the technique to Leo, grinning at the comprehension that blossomed on the slider’s face.

“Oh, right!” Leo said, taking the sample wiring into his hands. “Thanks, Donnie.”

Raph gave a small smile at the sight. It was nice seeing Donnie work with his brothers instead of fighting with them for a change. He must have made a happy noise or something, though, because soon all three heads turned in his direction. The snapping turtle felt awkward from the silent stares, but he didn’t really have room to complain. He waved a hand in greeting, the hand in which he held Donnie’s mask to be specific. It felt like he was waving a white flag of surrender. Only it was purple. And a mask. And had two black Sharpie-eyebrow lines.

“I found your eyebrows, D!” Mikey chirped, helpfully pointing at the mask.

Donnie slapped a hand to his forehead, and Leo cackled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really fun to write, and I couldn't bear the thought of not sharing it with everyone as soon as possible. I tried to balance out the angst with some humor. What did you guys think?


End file.
